Old Cliche, New Something Else
by SilverGato
Summary: A strange parody of an old cliche of FF7.
1. The story starts

Disclaimer: Don't own FF7, however Kyo and Jill are mine, and so is Alex if I decide to add him.  
  
Authors Note: This is your typical cliche plot of gamers getting sucked into their video game. The characters are somewhat based on 8-Bit Theatre. Basically it's all a stupid parody. Enjoy!  
  
The sounds of music drifted from a small room that was located in a small house. The music was later followed by the voice of a girl and the snores of person sleeping on her couch.   
"Kyo! Kyo! Did you see what I just did?!" Jill yelled at her partner. Our spikey-haired female hero replied with another snore; Jill didn't seem to noticed.  
"I got my Contain materia to level up! Isn't that great?!" Jill said happily. When she didn't get an answer, Jill peeked over her shoulder and noticed that Kyo was fast alseep.  
"KYO!" screamed Jill.   
"ARRRGH!" Kyo leaped up and fell onto the carpet. She quickly scrambled to her feet, trying to look as dignified as possible.   
"What the heck was that for?!" Kyo snarled. Jill pointed innocently to the screen; where Cloud, Cid, and Vincent were happily leveling up from a battle.   
"You woke me for that? Don't you know I need my beauty slee-" Kyo was cut off when Jill's playstation started making funny noises.  
"Is that the game or is that thing broken?" Kyo asked. Jill looked puzzled.  
"I don't know, maybe I should turn it off," she reached over to switch it off, only to find out it wouldn't turn off. The two girls were silent for a moment, before Jill went into hysterics.   
"My playstation's possessed! My playstation's possessed!" she screeched and ran behind Kyo for a shield.  
"Hey! Moron! It's not possessed, just broken!" Kyo snapped.  
"I'm not either," said a voice from the TV.  
"Hey! You're right, Jill! It is possessed!" Kyo said in astonishment.  
"Possessed?! You come in here and say that!" said the voice.   
So that's exactly what they did.   
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" cried Jill. She sat up and realized she was sitting in the middle of a grimy-looking town, or more accurately, on top of Kyo.  
"Eeee! Kyo! Kyo! Are you okay?!" Jill yelped and leaped off of Kyo.  
"Just...fine..." Kyo said, which she wasn't, "where are we? This isn't your room."   
"Oh! I know! We must be inside the game! This is so cool!" Jill said.  
"Inside the game? That's a pretty stupid idea, don't be ridiculous," Kyo snapped. She then noticed a cheerful looking sign which read "Welcome to Midgar!" written in large friendly letters.   
"Um, Jill? Look at this," Kyo pointed to the sign, hoping her friend could give her answers.  
"What? The wood on the sign?" Jill asked.  
"No, it's-"  
"The dead grass surrounding the sign?"  
"No, the si-"  
"The sleeping bum under the sign holding a liquor bottle?"   
"No! What's written on the sign! On the sign!" Kyo said impatiently. Jill read the sign and her jaw hung open.  
"Kyo! We're in Midgar!" Jill said.  
"That's great, now what's a Midgar?" Kyo asked, having no knowledge of the Final Fantasy world.   
"Silly Kyo, Midgar's the place you start at in Final Fantasy Seven," Jill said. Kyo allowed this information to sink it, which took a while. She then proceed to grab Jill's shirt collar.  
"We're in the game?!" Kyo cried, shaking poor Jill.  
"Y-yes, Kyo. P-please s-stop doing t-that," Jill said. Kyo did as she was told, although somewhat reluctantly.   
"All right, all right, we need to calm down and think things through," Kyo said aloud, "what do other people do when they get stuck in video games?"   
"Um, beat the game so they can fulfill their purpose and return to their world?" Jill asked.  
"Nah, that's silly-Hey! You might be onto something," Kyo said, "so all we have to do is beat this game and go home?" Jill nodded.  
"Great! How long is this game?" Kyo asked, ready to get started on beating the game and going home as soon as possible.  
"Three discs long, it took me months just to get to the game's final boss," Jill said.  
"Three discs?! We could be here for an eternity!" screamed Kyo. People who passed by looked at her strangely, but continued walking.  
"Don't worry, Kyo, I'm sure we'll have fun," Jill said.  
"I don't want to have fun, I want to go home and go to sleep," Kyo pouted.   
"Well why don't we start looking around? I think we're in...we're in..." Jill looked around, "Sector six...or was it eight? Seven? No, that's where Tifa's bar is. We're in the place with the Honeybee Inn though," Jill said.   
"In other words, you don't have a clue where we are," Kyo said frowning.  
"Nope!"  
  
Our two heroes walked along the streets silently. Jill was too preoccupied by the fact that she was walking around in Sector Six...Eight...Ten? No-ah forget it. Kyo was still pouting and making mean faces at anyone who tried to talk to her, but that really didn't stop anyone. Kyo's mean faces didn't really look that threatening. The fact that she usually had to look up to make these mean faces didn't help either.  
"Stupid tall people," Kyo complained loudly, earning a few glares.  
"What's wrong, Kyo?" Jill asked.  
"I'm tired, hungry, and the guy over there is looking at me funny," Kyo said sadly.   
"Well there's an inn, but we don't have any money," Jill said.   
"Well that's just great!" Kyo threw her hands up, "we're going to starve before we even get to beat the game!"  
"All we have to do is find enemies, beat them, and take their money," Jill said.  
"We don't have weapons though," Kyo pointed out.  
"We don't?! Oh no!" Jill fell to her knees and began to cry. Kyo looked away in shame.   
"Maybe we should just continue on with the storyline," Kyo said.  
"That's a good idea! To the Shinra Building!" Jill quickly recovered and jumped onto her feet.   
"Where the heck is the Shinra Building and why do we need to go there?" Kyo asked.   
"I'll explain on the way, but first we need a battery!"  
"A battery?!" Jill grabbed the confused Kyo's arm and hurried away to harass the Weapons Guy for a battery. 


	2. Splitting up

Author Note: Thanks Guin! Everyone follow Guin's example and review! Every review saves a starving kitten!  
  
Kyo felt her face make contact with the solid ground. Jill landed right beside her in a similar position.   
"You stay out!" shouted the weapons seller and than slammed the door shut.  
"Ow...nice going, Jill," Kyo mutter sarcastically. She sat up and rubbed her face.  
"Kyo, you're the one who threatened him with a weapon you didn't have," Jill said.  
"Shaddup, now we don't have a battery," Kyo moaned, "it's going to take forever to beat this game."  
"Maybe we should just wait on Cloud and the others to do the work for us?" Jill suggested.  
"I guess," muttered Kyo. Jill thought for a moment, trying to formulate some sort of plan.   
"I know! Maybe Don Corneo can help us get to the Shinra building!" Jill said, not even thinking of how bad of an idea this could turn out to be.  
"Okay, if you say so," said Kyo, and followed Jill as she skipped to Don's mansion.   
  
"I won't do it. Maybe for the pretty red-head, but not for the weird spikey-haired chick," said the man standing outside Don's mansion.  
"Why not?!" yelled Kyo, "I see nothing wrong with how I look!"   
"Dude, just look at yourself! You don't even look feminine!" Kyo immediately looked at herself. She looked feminine, or at least felt that she was. Kyo's body was average looking, maybe he wanted a girl that was as thin as a pencil. Kyo did look a little strange. She had spikey brown hair that flattened itself out as it reached below her shoulders. Not to mention she was really short.  
Jill on the other hand was the almost the opposite. She was as feminine looking as they come. She was cute and innocent looking, with red hair that reached her waist. Her only downfall was that she was pretty tall, or at least she was in Kyo's eyes. That and she wasn't that bright.   
Hold on one second, why the heck should I care?!, Kyo thought, He's just some pervert trying to trick us so that we can't get to Don's mansion! Unfortunately, Kyo did not have a clue what Don's job was. She fumed silently as she tried to think of ways to get past him, many of them consisted of using forms of violence they didn't have.  
"Then let me go inside, Kyo. Maybe I can work something out for us," Jill suggested.  
"What am I supposed to do while you're away?" Kyo asked.  
"I don't know, talk to some people here and gather information?" Jill said.  
"Okay, okay, I'll go talk to people," Kyo said. Jill smiled and then turned back to the man.  
"I'd like to see Don now," she said bravely. The man nodded and escorted her inside. Kyo stood there and stared at what had just happened. She shrugged, "Oh well! Party time!"   
  
Jill stood in the weird basement room of Don's mansion. You know what? I'm getting sick of saying Don's mansion. It's always Don's mansion this and Don's mansion that. That Don's mansion, thinking its all that. I know! Let's burn it to the ground! Oh wait, I'm just the helpless narrator.  
"Stay down there until we come for you," said the man and closed the door. Jill smoothed out the dress that they had given her and gulped.  
"It's scary," she whined out loud. Her eyes scanned her strange surroundings. There were devices that you'd seemed to think you'd only find in a haunted funhouse. However, this was not fun, and it really wasn't a house either. Since there was nothing else to do but stand there and smooth her dress, Jill started playing with the various devices.  
  
Kyo moped as she walked down the dirty streets. People stared at her strangely as she paced back and forth, trying to figure out what to do.   
"I don't understand why I can't get into mansion. What does Don do anyway that makes them want Jill to come in and not me?" she asked aloud. Kyo had no idea what to do, so she decided to talk to the stalker advertising guy at the inn.   
"Hey! Why don't you come sleep at our inn?" he asked.  
"You won't steal my money if I sleep there, will you?" Kyo narrowed her eyes and gave him an evil look. The inn stalker looked a bit nervous.  
"O-Of course not! We are not thieves!" he replied.  
"Okay, but I'm still not going to sleep at your inn," Kyo said.  
"Why not?" he asked.  
"I'm not sleepy," she said. The stalker inn and Kyo stood silent for a moment.  
"Well, you could always try the Honeybee Inn. It's a nice place to relax for men," he said.   
"I'M NOT A MAN!" Kyo yelled.   
"Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! Your hairstyle confused me!" The inn stalker cowered. Kyo walked away, deciding to find something else to do. She looked at the entrance and exit of the sector she was inn and wondered whether or not she should go exploring. Then she remembered what Jill had said. She was suppose to talk to strangers and get information and stay here. Or something to that effect, but Jill wasn't the boss of her and she went off exploring anyway.   
  
There was a loud explosion from the basement of Don's mansion. The two men standing outside his door snapped awake and searched for the source of the sound.  
"What the heck was that? It sounded like an explosion," the first man said.  
"Don keeps explosives in his mansion?" the second one replied.  
"Yeah, he's weird like that. I think it came from the basement! Let's go!"  
  
Jill was huddled in the corner of the room. Her eyes were wide with fear and shock. The strange device she had been playing with had exploded on her. Sure she had been pulling wires and occasionally kicking it, but she never thought it would have exploded.  
"Omigoshomigosh what am I gonna DO?!" Jill yelped. To her misfortune, the door swung open and Jill darted in front of the now demolished machine.  
"You! What have you done?" the man demanded.   
"N-nothing! I did nothing at all! The machine didn't explode because of me!" Jill declared. The two men looked skeptical, but shook there heads.  
"Well, we don't have time to deal with this now. Let's get her to Don's office," said one of the men. Jill followed the men out, glancing at the smoking remains of the weird machine.  
  
Ramza yelped and nearly lost his gripped on the Cancer Stone. The device in front of him had just exploded. Mustadio peered over his shoulder.  
"That machine just explode?" he asked.  
"Yes, I don't know what happened. Oh well, I guess it really wasn't that important," Ramza said.  
"Not important?! We had to defeat Worker 7 for this! Let me try to fix it!" Beowulf shoved Ramza aside and begin to work on fixing the smoking remains of the strange device.  
  
Kyo was wandering around helplessly in a small town she didn't recognize. She had walked a short ways from the place they had landed when they had gotten sucked into the game. So far all Kyo had done was try to start conversations and ask for directions.  
"Is all of this Midgar place this dull?!" Kyo said aloud. She noticed a large pipe jutting out from a wall. Curiously she walked inside of it and noticed a man staring up at her with a what-are-you-doing-in-my-house look.   
"Um, hi there," Kyo said, not expecting anyone to be in the pipes.  
"Arrugh?" he asked. Kyo gave him a puzzled look.  
"Arrugh?" she repeated. The man's eyes grew wide and began to shine with tears. He looked very happy.  
"Uhh..." Kyo backed away, wondering if she had made a mistake by repeating what the weird guy said. The weird guy lunged at her, but Kyo screamed in a tone that would make even the most ferocious monsters cover their ears. It threw the man off guard, giving Kyo enough time to run away. The man gave a very sad look as he watched Kyo leave.  
"Arrugh..." 


	3. We need disguises!

Author's Note: It may seem like I don't have a plot for this story, but I do. Honest. O_o You just don't get to see it till hopefully the next chapter. You'll find out why Kyo and Jill are there, I promise. So read and review! My writing is fueled by your encouragement and criticism! And uh, it'll feed the starving kitties?   
  
There where no words for the pain Jill was feeling as she stared into the ugly, sweaty face that was Don Corneo.   
"Oh boy! Oh boy! You brought in a really cute one today!" Don cheered. Jill eyed the door sadly, but knew she needed to talk to Don if she and Kyo were ever going to get to the Shinra building.   
"Mister Don-" she began, but was cut off when she realized the Don was heading towards his bedroom. He motioned for her to follow him.   
"Come on! Let's get started!" he said, sounding like a small child. He went into the bedroom. Jill gathered up all her courage and followed him in.   
  
Kyo was leaning against a wall trying to catch her breathe.   
"Man, I'll never mimic guys with speech problems ever again," she said. She lifted her head and scanned her surroundings. She was more lost than before and she was beginning to regret not listening to Jill.   
"Maybe I should ask someone..." Kyo looked around at all the people standing around and swallowing every bit of fear she stepped forward.  
Directly into the nearest house. In true RPG style.  
"Like I'm going to deal with those freaks. I'm sure someone here will tell me where I am," Kyo said to herself. She noticed the man sitting in a chair staring at her in bewilderment.   
"Hey! Can you tell me where I am?" she asked cheerfully.   
"You're in my house," he said calmly.  
"I know that! I mean what sector!" Kyo said impatiently.   
"Sector Four," he announced.  
"Oh drat! Now I'm really lost!" Kyo exclaimed. She turned to walk out, not bothering to explain why she barged into his house. It was an RPG after all. A treasure chest caught her eye while she was walking out. A small formula began to form in Kyo's mind.  
Treasure chest+RPG=Free stuff. Yay!  
"Treasure!" Kyo literally leaped toward the treasure chest and landed in a not-so-graceful manner. She opened the chest and took out the wooden sword that was inside. It wasn't a great weapon, but it was better than what Kyo originally had. Which was nothing. She immediately took off towards the door, feeling greatly satisfied.   
"Hey! You can't take that! Someone help! Thief!"   
  
"Hey! Why are you standing there?! Aren't you excited?!" Don cried, looking at Jill.  
"Actually, Mister Don, I came to ask you something," Jill said.  
"Ask me what?" he replied.  
"I-I kind of need to get to the Shinra building. Can you help me get there?" she asked.  
"Sure. On one account," Don said.  
"W-what?" Jill noticed what Don was trying to say.  
"Ew! No! I don't want to lose my virginity!" Jill wailed.  
"Fine, no deal then," he said. Jill panicked. An idea suddenly came to mind.  
"What if I just kissed you instead?" Jill said, feeling sick. Don thought about it, then nodded.  
"I guess if that's all I can get from you," he smiled a perverted smile. Jill closed her eyes, puckered her lips, and leaned forward. Don did the same. They leaned closer and closer until-  
  
The rest has been edited for the sake of the reader's health.   
  
"I feel dirty," Jill announced to the guard escorting her to the Shinra building.   
"Just be glad he accepted just a kiss. He must have really liked you," the guard said. Jill shivered with disgust.  
"I'm going to wash my mouth thirty times! No, a thousand! Oh god, what if I'm diseased?" Jill wailed. The guard remained silent and put up with Jill's blabbering the whole way there.   
  
Jill was surprised to find that the Shinra building seemed much bigger in person. Jill strained her neck to look all the way up at it. It seemed to loom over the dark city of Midgar. While Jill was staring at the building, she was suddenly reminded of something.  
"Oh no! I forgot Kyo!" Jill exclaimed. She was tempted to go back, but she didn't want to deal with Don again. She knew Kyo would be furious at her leaving her behind though. Jill walked towards the building and stepped inside. She was instantly greeted by the smiling face of the woman at the desk.   
"Uh, hello," Jill said nervously.   
"Hey there. What are you here for?" the woman asked. Jill panicked, she hadn't thought about what she had come to do here. She only knew that going to the Shinra building was the only way to advance the plot in the game.   
"I need to see the president," Jill said proudly.   
"I'm sorry, he's a very busy man. Go to level sixty-one and wait there. I'll call someone to come get you when he's available," said the woman.   
"Okay," Jill nodded.  
"Take this keycard with you. You'll need it," the woman handed Jill the keycard and she stuffed it in her pocket.  
"Thank you!" Jill replied and headed toward the elevator, trying to decide what she should do next.   
  
As Jill paced back and forth on level sixty-one, her mind was trying to formulate a plan.  
"Um, hello, Mister President. I'd like to know about Sephiroth...No..." Jill thought harder.  
"Hello Mister President, I'd like to know about the terrorists...that won't work either..." A young man approached Jill.   
"Excuse me, they sent me here to get y-"   
"EEEEEK! No! I can't go in yet! I'm not ready!" Jill shrieked, catching the attention of several employees.   
"Um, okay. I'll come back when you're ready to talk to President Shinra, but hurry up and prepare. President Shinra won't wait too long," the young man said, and then left. Jill's heart was pounding in her chest.  
"Whew! That was too close. I thought they might catch on to me!" she said to herself. She went back to organizing a speech until she heard a familiar voice from one of the rooms.   
"WAAAAAH! I didn't mean too! Stop! No more!" a voice begged.  
"But we haven't even done anything yet," came another tired voice.  
"I WANT MY LAYWER!" the voice screamed.  
"Is that Kyo?" Jill thought. Two men dressed in blue suits walked out. Jill recognized them as Rude and Tseng.   
"This could be the strangest person they've brought in here," Tseng muttered.  
"...Not really," Rude replied.   
"There's not much else we can do. Let's go, Rude," Tseng said. They left for the elevator. Jill poked her head inside to see who had been screaming.  
"Kyo?!" Jill yelped.  
"Jill?!" Kyo looked happy for a moment, then suddenly looked angry, "why didn't you come for me sooner?!"   
"I'm sorry! I had some...um....troubles," Jill turned a bit green, "anyway, let's get out of here!"   
  
Kyo and Jill were hiding behind the small plant on the level sixty-one floor. Kyo glanced around nervously looking for Tseng and Rude.   
"We can't walk around like this! We need disguises!" Kyo whispered loudly.   
"Like what?' Jill asked. Kyo looked around again and spotted a couple of Shinra guards. She smiled.  
"Jill? Up for some stealing?" Kyo asked.   
"What?" Jill looked to where Kyo was looking, "you want to steal their money to buy disguises?"  
"No! Moron! I meant steal their clothes!" Kyo said.   
"Ew! I don't want to steal their clothes," Jill said looking horrified.   
"Well that's the only way we can get disguises, now watch me," Kyo crept out from the plant towards the guards. She earned a few odd looks as people passed by her. When she reached the two guards, she pounced on them and stole their clothes right of them. She dragged the two now-unconscious guards away so no one would see them right away. Jill ran up to her.  
"Kyo! We could get in real trouble for this!" she said.  
"I don't care, let's go find some place to put these on," Kyo said. They searched the entire floor until they managed to find a closet. Kyo dragged Jill into the closet and closed the door. They began changing out of their old outfits into their new Shinra outfits.   
  
Elena, one of Shinra's best SOLDIERS, was leaving to report to one of her generals.   
"When am I ever going to get promoted to general?" she grumbled, "I work hard and I'm a good leader, too. Is it because they think a girl can't do it? Grrr...someday I'll show them, I'll become the greatest general ever! They'll be sorry then," Elena continued to mutter bad things about Shinra until she passed by a small closet, where she heard two muffled voices. They both sounded feminine. Elena pressed her ear against the door.   
"Ow! Jill! Be careful!"   
"Kyo! Don't be so rough!"  
"Where did my pants go?"  
"I can't find my jacket!"  
Elena's eyes went wide with disgust, horror, and shock.  
"Please don't tell me..." Elena gathered every bit of courage, placed her hands on the door knob, and opened the closet.   
To her relief, the two soldiers in the closet weren't completely naked like she had first thought. Unfortunately, they looked like a mess. One of the dark, spikey-haired soldiers had her pants only halfway on and her jacket was buttoned up wrong, as if she were in a hurry to put it back on. The other young soldier was fumbling to put on her shirt. Elena just stared in complete horror.  
"Why do these things happen to me?" she wondered to herself.  
Kyo was the first to notice that someone was watching them trying to put on their uniforms. A million things raced through her mind as the door swung open, mostly consisting of swears. Jill was still trying to talk to Kyo while failing to put her head through the hole of the shirt. She hadn't even noticed Elena yet.  
"It's not what it looks like! I swear!" Kyo yelled, fumbling with her uniform.   
"What's not-"Jill finally pulled the shirt over her head to see Elena, "Eek! Don't you know it's rude to watch people get dressed?!"  
"T-this is an outrage!" Elena was blushing furiously, "what makes you think you can-"  
"I can explain!" Kyo cried. Jill wasn't bothered at all by the conflict between Elena and Kyo. She was folding their old clothes and trying to hide them.  
"The general wants all soldiers to report. Just wait until the general hears about this! Oh god, I hope I'll still be the same person after this..." Elena turned and walked away, holding her head. Kyo's face looked blood-red, she looked as if she were going to faint.   
"I'm done, Kyo!" Jill said proudly. Kyo collapsed on the floor, muttering about how she hated this stupid adventure.  
"Kyo? Are you okay, Kyo?" Jill didn't hear a response from her companion. She shrugged and dragged Kyo out of the closet and then they made their way through the treacherous Shinra building. 


	4. Hello Mister Villain

Note: Thanks for the reviews ^_^ Anyway, this chapter is totally dedicated to Sephiroth. Anyway, as for the confusing part. Uh, sorry, I didn't know it was confusing. I'll do a short recap (and maybe it'll clear things up a bit for you). Okay, so far Jill was playing FF7 on her Playstation and get sucked into the game by a mysterious force. Kyo and Jill are totally lost on how to get home and Jill suggest that they try to go to the same places that Cloud and co. did (so basically, Kyo and Jill are trying to take on the roles of Cloud and co. thinking that by "beating" the game as them, it will take them home). So one of the most important places they went to is the Shinra building, but they don't know what to do from there...(Hope this cleared things up. Sorry about that. Now on with the story!)  
  
Kyo started to come to her senses after being dragged around by Jill.  
"Hey! Where do you think you're going?!" Kyo demanded, trying to pry off Jill's fingers from her shoulder.   
"I'm going to report to the general like that girl said to do," Jill replied.   
"Are you crazy?! We can't do that! We don't even work for them!" Kyo cried.  
"Oh, that's right," Jill giggled, "besides, I didn't know where to report to anyway."  
"I'm sick of this. We're not getting anywhere, let's try to find some other way out of um...uh..."  
"Midgar?"  
"Yes, Midar. Let's go!" Kyo proceeded to the elevator with Jill following behind her, saying that going through the Shinra building was the only way out of Midgar. The two of them entered the elevator and Jill was immediately attracted to the glowing buttons.  
"Ohhh..." she began pushing random buttons.  
"Jill! What are you doing now?!" Kyo yelled. She glanced at the buttons Jill had pressed.  
"You idiot! You took us to the wrong floor!" Kyo hit Jill over the head.  
"Ow! Sorry, Kyo! It was reflex!" Jill protested. Kyo looked at the button Jill had pressed. It was taking them to the very top floor. The irritating elevator music was beginning to grind Kyo's nerves.   
"With our luck, I bet there are hundreds of guards and stuff," Kyo muttered.  
"It shouldn't be too bad. We're wearing our Shinra disguises," Jill said.  
The elevator stopped and Kyo was more than happy to get out. Oddly enough, there were hardly any signs of life on the floor. She noticed a few blood trails on the floor.  
"This is were Cloud and the others found out about Sephiroth and Rufus," Jill informed.  
"Whatever," Kyo shrugged, "let's go back down. I don't think we want to stay here."  
"No! We need to explore!" Jill said.  
"If we explore we're going to get killed," Kyo argued, but Jill wasn't listening. Jill ran towards the stairs and began to head up them. Kyo sighed, muttered about dying too young, and followed after her.   
  
What was standing before them was the most amazing thing the two girls had seen so far. A man with long silver hair and wearing a black cape had his back turned to them. This was the almighty Sephiroth.   
"Yes, this is perfect..." he said, and then turned around. Sephiroth was surprised to see two Shinra guards staring at him, then he beamed. He finally had an audience!   
"Well, well, I wasn't expecting guests," he said coolly, "what a pleasant surprise."  
"What's this all about? Who are you?" Kyo asked.  
"Who am I? I am the almighty Sephiroth. I have come to take the Promised Land to mommy," said Sephiroth, the tone of his voice not changing even a little. Kyo tried to hold back her laughter as soon as she heard the word "mommy" out of Sephiroth's mouth. She leaned over and whispered into Jill's ear.  
"Did a tough guy like that just say 'mommy'?" Kyo asked, chuckling a bit. Jill giggled too.  
"What's so funny?" Sephiroth demanded in irritation. The two girls went silent and Sephiroth was able to continue.  
"But instead of being your average cool-looking villain, I wanted something much greater..." he trailed off.  
"Like what?" Jill asked.  
"I want to be...a singing villain!" Sephiroth declared. Kyo and Jill just stared in shock.   
"A singing...villain...?" Kyo repeated.  
"Yes! Would you like to hear my first song?" Sephiroth asked. Before Kyo could shout "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NOOOO!", music began to play in the background. Kyo and Jill watched Sephiroth helplessly as he began to sing.  
"Oh, I'm the mighty villain,  
The greatest know villain!  
I'm the mighty villain,  
Bow down at my feet!  
Heroes wanna beat me,  
Other villains wanna be me!  
Oh, I'm the mighty villain,  
Obey me or die!"  
Kyo was crying on the floor and Jill was looking around the room in total confusion. Sephiroth stopped singing for a moment and there was a bizarre piano solo that didn't really seemed to match the song. The piano solo continued for a while, drowning out Kyo's sobs. Sephiroth checked his watch and tapped his foot in annoyance. The piano solo was longer than he thought. When it was his cue, Sephiroth began to sing again.   
"I'll obliterate my opponents,  
I'll smash them to tiny bits!  
I'll-"  
"PLEASE STOP! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" sobbed Kyo. The music stopped and Sephiroth glared at Kyo.  
"How dare you interrupt me you little runt," he snarled, "that was my very first song."  
"I think your song was very lovely, Mister Sephiroth," Jill said brightly.  
"Thank you," Sephiroth smiled and then looked serious, "but since you saw me, you're going to have to come with me."  
"What?! No way! I refuse! I'm staying right here!" Kyo shouted. Sephiroth unsheathed his masamune and pointed at Kyo's throat. Kyo gulped.  
"I guess it wouldn't be such a bad idea to come with you," Kyo grumbled. Sephiroth put away his sword and he grabbed our two hapless heroes and leaped out the window before the other Shinra guards could arrive.   
  
More notes: Short chapter, huh? It'll be shorter from now on. This way I can pump out more chapters faster without feeling pressured. As for Sephiroth...what happened is that I wanted to change some of the characters' personalities. I wanted Sephiroth to be one of those singing villains (like you see in the Disney movies). If you're groaning about Kyo and Jill going with Sephiroth...don't worry, it won't last. Remember, this is a parody of a cliche...In the next chapter, Kyo and Jill's purpose for being sucked into the FF7 world will be revealed! 


	5. Villains don't like whiny hostages

Note: Ah, no, you have it all wrong =D Sephiroth will still be singing and appearing sometimes. I want it like that. You'll be hearing more evil tunes from your favorite evil villain of chaos!   
  
Disclaimer: I own Greg Marrow! Ha ha HA ha HA HA!   
  
Kyo was grumbling about being carried under Sephiroth's arm while he fled the city of Midgar. She was very unhappy about her current situation. So far, Sephiroth had jumped out the window of the top floor they were on, beat up random guards and robots, talked to a boy who raised some kind of freaky birds, and now they were far away from Midgar near a swampy area.  
"Your armpits smell, and you look funny. What's with those bangs anyway? Some kind of new look? Loser, put me down now!" she yelled. Kyo realized that Sephiroth wasn't listening to her. He had his mind focused on something else.  
"Okay, Mister Sephiroth. I see something that begins with...uh...'G'," said Jill. Sephiroth rolled his eyes. He was beginning to regret bringing along the two Shinra guards. They were quickly becoming very annoying.  
"Grass," he muttered.  
"Wow! That's great!" Jill exclaimed.  
"Put me down! You silver-haired beast! Old man!" Kyo shouted. To her surprise, Sephiroth had stopped near the edge of the swamp. He dropped Jill on the ground while she was trying to form a new game. He lifted Kyo into the air with one hand.   
"Put you down?! You want me to put you down?!" he snarled. His patience had snapped. He couldn't stand these two little nuisances any longer. He held her over the swamp. Kyo noticed a large, dark shape moving in the water.   
"No! Wait! I'm very comfortable and happy under your armpit!" Kyo cried. Sephiroth glared at her for a moment, then threw her aside.   
"You're all a bunch of annoying pests!" he screamed. Then Kyo and Jill heard the music start to play again.  
"Oh no, not another song," Kyo began to think being devoured by that dark thing in the swamp would have been a less cruel punishment.   
"You're all a bunch of nincompoops,  
You really grind my nerves!  
You fuss, whine, and cry,   
I think I'm going to lose my mind!   
I should have just killed you,  
'cause you're only a nuisance to my plans,"  
Sephiroth stopped singing. There would be time for that later. He wanted the Shinra guards dead now. Sephiroth grabbed Jill who shrieked and squirmed in his grip. He held her over the edge of the swamp. The dark figure in the water swam closer. Sephiroth whispered into Jill's ear.   
"I see something that begins with 'S', do you know what it is?" he asked harshly.   
"Um...uh...the sky?" Jill answered.  
"Nope, serpent food," he answered with an evil smile. To Kyo's utter shock, Sephiroth threw Jill into the swamp's filthy green water.  
"I can't believe you did that!" she said.   
"Well, I am a villain after all," he reached down and grabbed Kyo by her shirt.  
"Prepare to join your friend," he said, and then tossed her into the water. Kyo screamed, "YOU SUCK AS A VILLAAAAAAIIIIN!" before disappearing under the green water. Sephiroth smiled. Finally they were dead and gone. He walked away to figure out where to go next and maybe make some new song lyrics.   
  
IS THIS THE END FOR OUR HEROES?!  
  
NO OF COURSE NOT!  
  
Kyo struggled to stay conscious while trying to swim to the surface. She was having a lot of difficulty swimming, mostly because she swam as good as a rock.  
"This is it," she thought, "I'm gonna die in some stupid game because of some singing jerk-"Kyo paused. She felt like there was something close by. Something very big. Something that you didn't want to encounter underwater. Something that's-Okay, I'll shut up now.  
Kyo opened her eyes and noticed a large shadow coming towards her. It was difficult to see what it was, but Kyo knew that she was doomed. All shadowy big things meant a messy death. As the shadow came closer, Kyo saw a bright flash of light and fell unconscious.   
  
When Kyo awoken, she could hear two voices talking. It was hard to hear what they were talking about, but one voice sounded like Jill's voice. Kyo forced herself to sit up and she then yawned loudly. She noticed she was in a moss-covered cave.  
"Oh! You're awake! I'm so glad you're okay," Kyo squinted and noticed Jill was sitting there.  
"How'd I get there? And I smell like dead fish," Kyo grumbled.   
"Greetings young ones from another world," a voice said. Kyo jumped and saw that there was a well with light emitting from it. A ghost of a man was sitting on top of the well. He smiled at them.   
"Hello, I'm Greg Marrow, and I need you to get something for me," he said. 


	6. But looking for stolen treasure is a RPG...

Author Note: Oww...long time since I've updated. This part focuses on the Well of Awakening and Rufus Shinra.   
  
Kyo stared at the ghostly figure sitting on top of the well.  
"Excuse me? Find what? Why are you a ghost? And why the heck are we in this creepy cave?" she asked.  
"That's Greg Marrow, Kyo! He's an Ancient!" Jill exclaimed.  
"Uh, that's great. What's an Ancient?" Kyo asked.   
"I'm an ancient being that lives to help the planet, or used to live. I'm dead now," Greg explained.  
"I see that," Kyo said.  
"I also have magical powers. Want to see?" Greg asked enthusiastically.  
"No, I want to know what's going on," Kyo said. Greg looked a bit disappointed.  
"Okay, where you are right now is called the Well of Awakening. I teleported you two here before you got eaten," Greg explained.  
"That's so nice of you!" Jill said happily.  
"Yeah, yeah. Why do you save us? And what's the Well of Awakening?" Kyo asked.  
"The Well of Awakening is where travelers meet their destiny," Greg smiled, "I made that part up. It sounds cool, huh? Anyway, I need you to find a special treasure for me."  
"What kind of treasure?" Jill asked.  
"It's the Crystal of Funk!" Greg said. Kyo and Jill gasped, looked at each other, then looked at Greg.  
"The Crystal of Funk?!" they exclaimed together.  
"Yeah! See, it was stolen from me. There's this party in a few months and without the crystal, I just don't have my funk," Greg said sadly.   
"That's so sad," Jill sniffed, "we'll get your crystal back!"  
"We will?" Kyo frowned, "wait, don't I have a say in this-"  
"I can send you back home the moment you return it," Greg said. Kyo jumped up and grabbed Jill's hand.  
"What are we waiting for Jill?! Let's help this poor guy get his crystal back!" Kyo and Jill ran toward what looked like an opening, and slammed into an invisible wall. Kyo and Jill both fell backwards with large bumps on their heads.  
"Oh, there's something I forgot to tell you. There's only one way out of the Well of Awakening," Greg said. Kyo sat up and rubbed her head.  
"Now you tell us. How do we get out?" she asked. Greg smiled and jumped off the well. He pointed to the well.  
"Just jump in!" he said. Kyo and Jill looked at each other, and gathering every bit of courage, leaped into the well.  
  
Rufus sat in his desk, organizing papers. He glanced outside and notice the gloomy, dark atmosphere.  
"Ah, another wonderful day," he said aloud. Rufus's phone began to ring. Annoyed, he picked it up.  
"Hello? Can't you see I'm very busy? What do you mean you haven't found Sephiroth?! Oh fine, let the Turks handle it. Send in that new recruit to replace uh...what's his name? Oh yes, Reno. Send in the replacement," there was a muffled sound from the other end of the phone. Rufus scowled as he listened.  
"Just hurry up! And my name is Rufus, not Doofus!" Rufus hung up, rubbing his forehead, "I work with morons..."  
  
Elena nervously walked towards Rufus's office. This would be the first time she would see the new president of Shinra. She had heard a lot of rumors about him. Some said that he was very handsome, other said that he was fat and ugly. Others had said that he was sixty feet tall with giant feet and purple hair, but Elena found that hard to believe. She entered Rufus's office and gasped as she saw him.   
"Oh my," she thought. The new president was gorgeous. He had blonde hair, beautiful eyes, and a slim body. She felt a bit intimidated by the scowl on his face.  
"Snap out of it," the voice in her head told her, "start acting professional." Elena tried to hide the blush on her face.   
"Are you the soldier they sent?" Rufus asked.   
"Ye-yes, sir," Elena said.   
"Good, you'll be replacing Reno of the Turks," Rufus said. Elena's jaw hung open. She knew that if President wanted to see her, it was something important, but she hadn't been expecting being promoted to the Turks. Even if it was only temporary, Elena wanted to dance with joy.   
"You're one SOLDIER's best recruits," it was true. According to the reports, Elena was the most accurate and deadly with a gun. Rufus wondered if he shouldn't just keep her in the Turks. After all, having one more Turk wasn't really a bad thing.   
"You seem to be fit for the job. Don't disappoint me, I'm looking forward to hearing about your first mission," Rufus said.  
"Y-yes sir! I won't let you down!" Elena replied.   
"Tseng will give you further instructions. You're dismissed," Rufus said. Elena nodded and then left. 


	7. The path is set! Sort of

Note: More Sephy for you. And more musical tunes! Sorry about any grammar errors you find. I was sleepy when I checked this.   
  
Kyo and Jill wound up back outside of the Well of Awakening. They were near a cave that was next to a swamp. The dark shadow in the water was still swimming around. Fortunately, there was no one there to throw them into the swamp again.  
"Okay. So we need to find this Crystal of Funk thing. Where do we start?" Kyo asked. Jill thought long and hard, then smiled. She had an answer.  
"I have no idea!" she said cheerfully. Kyo resisted the urge to strangle her.   
"How are we supposed to locate the Crystal of Funk if we don't know where it is?!" Kyo yelled.   
"Why don't we try looking in that cave?" Jill suggested.   
"Okay, fine," said Kyo, and both girls entered the cave.  
  
Meanwhile, in Junon, Sephiroth stood in the middle of the dirty streets. People quickly hurried past him. They had obviously never seen a man with a black cape bent on world domination. He smiled to himself. Junon would be the perfect place to start his quest to rule the world. He sniffed a bit, mommy would be so proud. Sephiroth felt another song coming on. The music began as people stopped to watch.   
"People of Junon! You're in for big trouble!  
For I'm the evil Sephiroth,  
My strength knows no bounds!  
The world will belong to me,  
I will conquer it for mommy!"  
  
A female chorus broke in and began singing. The people looked around for the source of the singing, but couldn't find it. Sephiroth couldn't find it either. He shrugged.   
"He's the baddest of them all!  
The very baddest of them all!"  
  
Another piano solo began. Sephiroth calmly waited until it was over before singing again.  
"Heroes will cower,  
When they hear my name!  
Villains won't dare challenge,   
This mighty Shinra general,  
Because they are very L-A-M-E!"  
  
The chorus started up again.  
"He's the baddest of them all!   
The very baddest of them all!"  
  
Sephiroth broke in once again to finish the song.  
"Oh yeah, I'm the very baddest...villaaaaiiin!"  
  
The song stopped and the crowd's jaws hung open. They really didn't know what to make of this unusual musical outburst. However, the music was nice, and the song was catchy...  
  
"WHOO! That was awesome!"  
"Do more! Do more!"  
The crowd applauded. This was not the reaction Sephiroth wanted. He expected them to cower in fear.   
"Oh well, I'll work on that later," Sephiroth needed to go to Costal de Sol next. He'd get onto one of the ships. He smiled to himself as he walked off. This was a nice start...  
  
Meanwhile, Kyo was furious.  
"Hey! This chapter is ending already?! Our scene wasn't even that long!" she exclaimed.  
"And we're the main characters!" Jill cried.   
"Yeah! What about our adventures through danger? Our triumphs? Our exciting discoveries?!" she cried, waving her arms around furiously.   
Sephiroth appeared behind them.  
"Shut up, peons. You don't deserve a story," he said simply. 


End file.
